Seema Pahwa believes it’s the right time for her and Manoj Pahwa to take couple’s therapy: ‘There is loneliness…’

Neha: Saying it’s an oxymoron is taking it too far. But a perfect family definitely exists on Instagram, no matter how much kalesh has gone into even taking that ‘perfect’ photo. It’s usually a taboo but whenever I discuss my family issues with my friends, and that one odd person turns around and says, ‘Mere ghar mein bhi aisa hi hota hai (This also happens at my home),’ I don’t know why but that’s very reassuring.”

Seema: Every family tries to be perfect, but I think you can put a percentage to it. Are we 40%, 60% or 80% perfect as a family? Because 100% is not possible.

Neha: It also depends on what perfection means to you. In our family, if the four of us can sit together on the dining table by 7 pm, and we can all relish one or two dishes, then we can move on from ‘I don’t like this food’ to ‘How is everyone?’ It’s not like if my family is perfect, I can swap them. We don’t want a trade-off. We want better equations among ourselves. There’s none of that Dream11 happening there. But the universal truth is that because we can’t swap them, that’s why we’re the best for each other.

Perfect Family is available on YouTube.

Manoj and Seema, does it help that yours is a family full of actors?

Manoj: We’re actors, but that doesn’t mean we discuss roles on the dining table all the time. In fact, we try to avoid that. We’re like a normal family. Yes, it’s true that since we’re all actors, including our kids, we don’t have to look for criticism outside our home. We get enough of that at home itself.

Seema: When Manoj calls and tells me it’s pack-up time, I can make out that he’ll now change clothes, deal with the spot boy, and talk to the director before leaving. The visual of a vanity van comes in front of my eyes automatically. So, I can guess the time by when he’d reach home.

Neha, your partner Angad Bedi is also an actor. Is it easy to live with another actor?

Neha: The understanding of professional defeat and failure is very comforting when you’re married to an actor. For instance, I went to an audition a few days ago. The casting agency sent me a message, and before even reading it, I thought I’d nailed the part. But they said, ‘Sorry, you’ve not gotten the part.’ But as soon as I got the message, I ran up to Angad and began reading. But that’s the joy of sitting across a man who understands the emotion I’m going through. That’s the most comforting part. Standing by your side in success is a given. Even if I was married to somebody who works at a bank, it’s easy to figure out the timings. But now that we’ve started working so much at home after the pandemic, it’s even reassuring to have a partner who understands ‘Silence!’ from another room and not think it’s rude. It’s the little things.

Would you recommend getting married to another actor then?

Neha: They say opposites attract. But I’ve always felt the more similar you are, the easier it’s to find companionship. The two of us are from Delhi. Our grandparents are from Amritsar. We both work in the film industry. It doesn’t get more similar. So, if there’s rajma chawal on the dining table, we’re good. We don’t have to make something from another part of the world for one of us. So, there’s too much ease. I don’t want to say ‘too much’ also. Kya pata shaam ko hi kalesh ho jaye (laughs).

Angad Bedi and Neha Dhupia have been married since 2018.

Seema, you said a couple of years ago that you don’t understand therapy. Has that changed now?

Seema: Definitely. In fact, I figured out a long time ago that I need therapy, but I didn’t know where to go. It should be a third person, not someone from the family, who can tell me objectively where I’m going wrong. I believe there should be a family therapist, just like there’s a family doctor. The family needs a third eye. Even if there are no problems, we should still go for family therapy like we go for routine medical checkups.

Have you also taken family therapy?

Seema: We haven’t taken family therapy yet. But we’ve discussed that we should. Because now, we’ll start a new journey at 60+ both personally and professionally. Both our kids have gotten married and moved out. So, now there’s a loneliness between the two of us. I think this is the right time to get a therapist involved.

Manoj: Ab therapist chahiye hoga. Kyunki beech mein jo bachche the wo nikal gaye. Ab issey pehle koi direct confrontation ho jaye, issey pehle kisi therapist ko beech mei laa ke khada kar. ‘Tu dekh liyo, bhai.’ Usi ke upar daal denge ki dekh bhai ye kya kar raha hai (laughs).

Have your views on therapy evolved too, Neha?

Neha: It sounds like a cliched plug, but the more I’d read the lines of my part, and the more the characters were getting uncovered, that’s when I realized everyone needs to be in therapy. And believe me, I started taking therapy after I finished this show. It’s changed my life. You don’t know what life has in store, but you know how you’d react in those situations and hit south. So, let’s be ready. I already have an unbiased person in my life who’s showing me the mirror. I feel very overwhelmed sometimes. I feel that I might not be able to handle things. But now my response time is much better. My relationships with people are much better. The therapist clears it out for you. It’s mental load-sharing. It’s never happened in my entire career that I’ve applied something in my life after doing a project. So, this was a turning point for me.

Seema: I realized that as I was ageing, I was getting very emotional. I’d cry at the drop of a hat. But since I took therapy, there’s a control that’s come within me. I’m now listening, instead of just reacting. I no longer take on all the burden and make myself feel guilty. You need therapy for all ages. I’d go on to say you even need therapy for your maid (laughs).

Also Read — Perfect Family review: A beautifully relatable series

Seema and Manoj, is Perfect Family the first time you’ve been paired with each other on screen?

Seema: No, we’ve been acting with each other since our childhood (laughs). We’ve done three-four films together. There was Hum Log definitely, but we weren’t paired together. After moving to Mumbai, we did BHK Bhalla@Halla.Kom (2016), Khajoor Pe Atke (2018), and another one.

Manoj: I’d played your son in one of them, right?

Seema: Yes, it was a TV show. You also played my brother in another. I just didn’t tie you a rakhi.

Manoj: We’ve tried all permutations and combinations. Now, I also feel we should get a therapist.

Seema: I brought so much age to my character that he could play my son. I’ve even directed him (in Ramprasad Ki Tehrvi).

Manoj: Yes! I played Surpiya (Pathak) ji’s son in that one. There’s something young about me. I may approach anyone, they ask me to keep a distance and just bless me, “Khush raho!” (laughs).